


Rough Comfort

by SaenaLife



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blow Job, F/M, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay, POV First Person, Porn with Feelings, Reader-Insert, rough-ish sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 22:49:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4076731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaenaLife/pseuds/SaenaLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today’s trauma had nearly broken Dean and now he needs help getting through the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rough Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything in the Supernatural canon. Everything else is mine.
> 
> Note: This was inspired by a prompt about comforting Dean after he killed Cain, but since I haven’t seen the episode, it became a scene in an OC ‘verse of mine. And now it’s become a reader insert. Hope you like it!

Dean was silent and distant on the drive home. I knew the ordeal he’d been through had left a crack in the deepest core of his being and that he was struggling to keep his whole identity from draining down that hole. What I didn’t know was how to help him.

He went through the front door first, the way he always did, putting himself between me and potential danger. Dean stopped just inside the door, though, a statue in blood stained flannel. I closed it behind us and put one gentle hand on his back.

“Whatever you need, whatever I can give, it’s yours.”

I don’t know what I expected him to say, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, I felt him go tense all over for the space of two seconds and then he was in motion.

My back slammed against the door with a thud, Dean’s hands in my hair and his mouth on mine, hard and demanding.

I was stunned by the unexpected violence of his onslaught, but I could sense in him the desperation to block out the world, to block out his thoughts, to lose himself in mindless sensation. That was something I could give him.

I wrapped my arms around Dean and kissed him back, giving as good as I got. He growled into my mouth and moved his hands in a fast, rough slide down my body to my hips, pulling me hard against his erection. His fingers dug into my flesh, painful for a moment, before he dragged his mouth away and looked down at me with hooded eyes, breath harsh in his throat.

“I need you, Y/N, need to be inside you now.”

His voice was rough, rasping across my skin like a physical touch. I said the only thing I could, the only thing I wanted to say.

“Yes.”

The relief in his eyes mixed with a deepening intensity that transformed his face almost to that of a stranger. He took a half step back and snagged his wallet out of a back pocket, pulling a condom out one-handed before dropping the wallet, his other hand already unfastening his fly. Once again, his movements were so swift that I barely had time to shove my jeans down and kick them away before he had me back pressed against the door. This time, though, I could feel the full hard length of him against my hip and I lifted one leg to his waist, trying to pull him to me.

He resisted, kissing me hungrily, one trembling hand moving to between my legs, searching. It was the uncharacteristic tremble that pulled me from my somewhat dazed anticipation. When it comes to sex, Dean has never been anything but confident and in control.

I looked up into his eyes and I could see the passion, the lust, and something darker, too, something careless and savage. He was controlling it somehow and the effort was costing him dearly.

“Dean, why are you holding back?”

He forced his reply through gritted teeth. “Because I know you, Y/N, I know you aren’t wet enough yet.”

He was right. My mind and spirit were on board, but my body hadn’t had time to catch up in the two minutes since I’d closed the door behind me. Dean was trying to protect me from his own insanity of need. Realizing that, I suddenly shared that insanity. Beyond wanting to be with him, beyond wanting to help and heal him, beyond  _ wanting _  entirely. I  _ needed _  this man, this perfectly flawed man, to be inside of me, needed to feel him as part of myself.

I pulled his hand from between us, gripping his wrist so hard in my zeal that I vaguely expected him to wince. He didn’t even seem to notice, standing there rigid on a knife edge of lust and pain.

I looked deep into his shadowed eyes, hiding nothing, letting him see my own hunger.

“It doesn’t matter, Dean, I want you, now!”

The flash of fierce triumph in his eyes was my only warning before he gripped my thighs, spreading them wide as he shoved his cock into me. I half screamed in shocked pleasure, feeling the moment’s stinging pain meld with the ecstasy of having him fill me. There was no hesitation, no tenderness, nothing existed beyond the feel of him pounding into me, my leg wrapped around his waist, pulling him deeper. Dean held nothing back, slamming his hips against me in a way that would have been brutal except that I wanted it so badly. And when his unyielding pace began to falter as his orgasm raced to overtake him, I just held on tighter, frantically striving to match his rhythm, unconsciously gasping “Yes! Yes! Yes!” in time with his thrusts.

He let out a guttural shout, stiffening and burying his face in my neck as I felt his cock pulse with his release. Somehow, he touched a part of me deep inside that set loose my own orgasm like an arrow held too long in the bow. I shuddered and cried out against his shoulder, clutching him to me, never wanting to let go.

We stood like that for I don’t know how long, me still wrapped around Dean with one foot barely touching the floor, his face pressed into my hair, breathing hard.

I floated in a fog of fuzzy warm satisfaction, until I felt dampness against my neck. I stroked Dean’s hair, hoping to soothe whatever pain he was feeling, but it seemed only to intensify his distress. His arms tightened around me and I could just make out his words, low and muffled.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry, so sorry…”

Disbelieving, I straightened, lifting his face in my hands, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“My love, what are you sorry about?” Despite the circumstances, it still gave me a warm glow to call him that. We’d lived together for three months now and I’d only gotten up the courage to tell Dean I loved him a couple weeks ago. I hadn’t expected him to say it back, didn’t really ever expect him to be able to leave himself that vulnerable. So when he had responded with an awkward shuffle and a self-conscious “thank you”, I had to laugh and love him all that much more.

Now though, he couldn’t or wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“I was outta control!” Dean’s head came up as a thought pushed its way into his mind. “Oh god, did I hurt you? Are you okay?”

I could see the tormented guilt in his face as he quickly and gently disengaged, setting me on both feet and looking me over.

I had to laugh a little at the question, considering that my legs still didn’t want to support me.

“If that was hurt, I think pleasure would kill me.”

He didn’t look reassured.

“I promise you, Dean, I’m fine. A lot better than fine, actually.”

“I was like an animal! You shouldn’t even have to see me like that and I made you have sex!”

“Let’s get it straight right now, you didn’t make me do anything. I had sex because I wanted to have sex, period.” I pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

When I pulled back, Dean still wouldn’t look me in the eye. Having had some experience with evasive toddlers, I placed myself in his line of vision and gave him no choice but to focus on me. “As for seeing you in whatever kind of state you’re in, I need you to really hear me when I say that  _ you don’t ever have to hide yourself from me _ ,  _ Dean _ . Ever. I love you for everything that you are and that will never change.” I felt unexpected tears well up in my own eyes at the depth of truth I felt in those words.

“Y/N, you must be crazy to love damaged goods like me.” Despite his words, I could see the shadows in his eyes start to fall away. In their place, there was gratitude and sadness and a bone-deep exhaustion.

“Crazy or not, I’m not going anywhere.” One last, loving kiss. “C'mon, let’s get you cleaned up.” I took his hand and led him toward our bedroom, where a hot shower and a well-deserved sleep waited.

* * * * * * * *

I was curled up, sound asleep, and my dreams were taking an erotic turn. Hands stroked my body, pausing to trace circles behind my knee, while a hot mouth opened against the back of my neck, teeth scraping across the sensitive skin before an agile tongue traced a line to the point just below my ear. The shiver of sensation pulled me into semi-lucidity, to realize the hand at my knee was sliding up over my hip, ghosting through the curls at the juncture of my thighs, coming to rest splayed wide across my belly. The teeth were back, nipping a line down my neck while the hand pressed me back hard into Dean’s erection.

By now fully awake and fully aroused, I tried to turn to face him, wanting to kiss that incredible mouth. The arm around me turned to iron, pinning me in place.

“No,” Dean growled.

I wanted to argue, but the assault on my senses escalated as the hand slid up to curl around one breast, squeezing roughly before giving a sharp tug to my nipple at the same moment the mouth fastened hard on my neck. I gasped and squirmed back against him, already desperate for more contact.

Dean didn’t hesitate to give it to me, using everything he knew about my body, every firm touch, every secret place that drove me wild. All the while, he refused to let me turn to him, to look into his eyes or kiss his lips. I only had the feel of him: his hands, his mouth, and his cock nudging rhythmically against my ass. Not being able to see his face left me in a strange place, equal parts intimate and impersonal. For a fleeting moment, it was like all of those parts of him were separate, individual entities, each one performing its task, not really connected to a person at all.

It was arousing, but disconcerting at the same time and when his hand sought access to my slick pussy, I hesitated to part my legs for him. Although it was only for a second, Dean noticed. His fingers gripped my thigh.

“Open.  _Now_.”

It was clearly an order and one he expected to be obeyed. In that moment, I surrendered my will to Dean in a way I never had before. Oh, we’d played around, taking turns with light domination and a little bondage, but I had always maintained a sense of making my own decisions. Until now.

Without conscious thought, I spread my knees wide. My breath caught in my throat when he roughly slid a hand under my leg and pulled so that I turned half onto my back, leg thrown over his thigh, leaving me splayed open and vulnerable to his clever fingers, yet still unable to see his face. The air was heavy in my lungs as Dean drew my arm up and back, guiding my fingers into his thick brown hair. He squeezed my hand, none too gently, and I understood that he wanted me to keep it there until he told me otherwise. A shudder went through me as he dragged his hand down the length of my arm, down my torso, tracing a direct path to my exposed pussy.

I didn’t have time to brace myself before Dean slid his middle finger down through my folds, brushing my clit with the length of his finger before sinking deep into my cunt and gripping my whole pussy with his hand. I bowed up into the blessed pressure, crying out at the maelstrom of sensory input. Dean ruthlessly drove me higher and higher, not relenting until my orgasm burst over over me in a blinding series of full-body tremors.

Even then, he didn’t cease his attentions entirely, his small, leisurely movements over my clit sending bolts of pleasure through me even as they soothed me down from my peak. That is, soothed me until I felt his mouth on my neck again, his cock pushing against my ass in time with the movements of his fingers.

Before I could think, before I could even catch a breath, Dean had me climbing the heights again. He was relentless, bringing me to the edge of coming within moments. This time, though, he stopped, holding me there in desperate suspense. Still clutching his hair, I dimly knew that I was voicing a near-unending stream of exclamations, pleas, and profanity, dominated by his name and liberally mixed with gasps and moans. No matter what I said or how I begged, Dean simply ignored it, silently drawing me up to the precipice and then gentling me back from the edge without letting me leap off.

I have no idea how many times he did that, letting me approach release and then taking it away. Eventually, I ceased to even consciously wish for Dean to let me come. Even that level of thought wasn’t possible for me; I had been emptied of everything except the perpetual rise and fall of the pleasure.

The spell was broken when Dean pulled his hand from my center and rose up, shifting me onto my stomach and kneeling between my legs. I don’t know when he put the condom on, but I trusted him enough to know that he was wearing one when he jerked my hips up and rammed his cock to the hilt inside my slick passage.

The shout was rough in my throat and Dean finally broke his silence with a rasping groan when he bottomed out. I pushed back against him, writhing as my inner muscles clenched around his cock. Dean remained still for a few seconds, fingers digging into my hips, breath harsh.

Without warning, he was pounding into me and a new wave of orgasm exploded through my body. It was merciless and savage and I only wanted more. Somehow, he knew, bending over me so that I could feel his chest against my back and his gasps against my neck. Dean wrapped one muscular arm low around my belly and began driving fiercely into me, dragging me hard onto his cock with every thrust. Sounds began to escape him, grunts and growls. They were primal, carnal sounds I’d rarely heard from him.

It drove me wild and my cries rose to meet his. He twisted his free hand into my hair and pulled steadily back, stretching my neck and arching my back. The new angle and the sheer power of the gesture brought a devastating wall of pleasure down onto me. Every muscle seemed to seize up and then I heaved and thrashed heedlessly against him, incoherent cries spilling from my lips.

Only a few more strokes and Dean slid his hands back to my hips, clutching at me in a grip I knew would leave bruises, slamming into me at a rapidly increasing pace.

“Y/N!”

He roared my name as his hips stuttered against me, the sound a strange mixture of demand and plea.

I was still lost in a world of dazed aftermath when I felt the bed shift as Dean got rid of the condom and collapsed to the mattress next to me, reaching out to smooth one hand over my hair. Pleasantly sleepy, it was a minute before I noticed how quiet and still he was. Struggling upright, I looked over to find that Dean was out cold.

I was annoyed for half a second, before I recognized the frown of pain that was etched on his face, even in sleep. My heart twisted as I understood that he had probably woken in the night, haunted by his thoughts. Even though he had desperately needed the physical release of sex, he hadn’t wanted to take me unready the way he had earlier tonight. I wondered what had been in his face that he didn’t want me to see.

* * * * * * * *

The next time I woke, it was just dawn, the room full of dim grey shapes, indistinct and colorless. Except the man lying next to me; he was sharp-edged and vivid there against the white sheets, moving restlessly as some dream or other whispered through his brain. Muscles twitched in the arm draped across my ribs and I realized that’s what had woken me.

The dream looked to be a bad one and a slight smile crept across my face as I contemplated the best way to wake Dean up. Quietly sliding out from under his arm, I carefully pulled the sheet from his sleeping form, then skimmed my naked body over his, softly kissing his chest. As he stirred, slowly coming awake under my caresses, I moved down the bed, pressing my lips to his skin in an line of kisses reaching all the way to his belly button before I looked up at him. There was no smile on his face, but the hunger was there in his eyes. Needing no more encouragement, I grasped his cock in my hand and ran my tongue in a wide, wet stripe from the base all the way to the tip before sliding the head into my mouth with a moan of pleasure.

I had never minded giving blow jobs before Dean, but with him, it was different. With him, I craved it, lusted after it, sometimes wanted nothing more than to have his hard, smooth cock sliding in and out of my mouth. Hearing him gasp and moan in pleasure, feeling him buck his hips under me, tasting the salt of him on my tongue, it all left me wet and shaking with want.

Right now, though, what I wanted wasn’t really important. This was about Dean, about showing him that nothing could change the way I felt about him, not even the horrors I had witnessed in his presence. It was something of a rare occurrence for me to suck him until he came in my mouth. Not necessarily because I had a problem with it, more that having him In my mouth made me crazy to have him in my pussy. I was usually too selfish to give that up.

Not today, though. Today I wanted to give Dean everything, to show him that he was worth everything, to keep showing him until he believed it.

I felt his hands slide into my hair and he began to press his hips up into me, gently at first. Soon, though, his movements became more insistent, tugging on my hair to pull me down onto his cock. I thrilled to his silent demands, relaxing the muscles in my throat so that I could take him deeper and deeper.

The press of his hips became more emphatic, more forceful and I found it almost unbearably erotic. Relinquishing all control, I let him fuck my mouth with abandon, wanted him to do it. I would have gladly kept going until I felt his cum gush down my throat, but it was becoming difficult to catch my breath.

I held out as long as possible, but eventually I had to grunt low in my throat three times in time with three taps on his arm. It was our agreed-upon silent safeword, one we’d never used before now.

Immediately, almost before I’d completed the third tap, Dean pulled back, dropping his hands from my hair and staring down at me in horrified guilt. It was clear to me that he’d lost himself in the moment and was now berating himself (again) for treating me roughly. Much as I loved him, we really were going to have to work on that guilt thing.

Refusing to allow such a promising beginning devolve into self-recriminations, I smiled softly up at him.

“My love…” I breathed, before leaning in again to nuzzle between his legs. Inhaling the deep intoxicating scent of him, I dipped my head and ran my tongue over the rough surface of his testicle. Dean jumped and groaned when I took it gently into my mouth, hollowing my cheeks and suckling it in light and rhythmic pulses until he cried out again. Moving to the other testicle, I gave it the same thorough treatment before once more licking my way up his shaft.

With a sigh of contentment, I again sank my lips down over the head of Dean’s cock. This time, he kept his hands at his sides, but he couldn’t stop himself from rocking up into my mouth. Never pausing in my ravenous licking and sucking and nibbling on his cock, I reached one hand to grasp his where it lay clenched on the mattress. He turned his hand palm upward to squeeze mine in a tight grip. I squeezed back and then slowly raised his hand to my hair, settling it there as I slid down to take him deep into my throat and hold him there.

Raising back up, I caught his gaze, letting all of my trust and love shine out in my eyes as I took his other hand and brought it to rest on my head as well. I could see that he understood what I was telling him and in that instant, some obscure tension drained out of him. His eyes slipped shut and his hands rested easily in my hair and for the first time in a long while, he simply relaxed into the moment.

I did everything in my power to extend that moment, making love to him with my mouth and hands until I could feel his orgasm gathering in the swell of his balls. It was a matter of moments away when Dean gently pulled me back.

To my own surprise, I whined petulantly at having his cock taken from me before he came. I looked up at him, pleadingly.

“But I want to give this to you!”

Slowly drawing me up so that our eyes were level, Dean shook his head.

“Y/N, you’ve already given me everything.”

He kissed me then, sweet and slow and deep, before working his way swiftly down my body, drawing fire with every touch. The feather stroke of his tongue on my clit tore a cry from me and I arched up into his mouth, begging for more. Dean responded with enthusiasm and skill, slipping two fingers up into my cunt as he coaxed a long, rolling orgasm to the surface.

Once again, I was barely touching down when he enticed me back into the heights. But this was different from last night, when he’d ruthlessly devastated my senses with pleasure for his own purposes. In the few moments that I was able to focus on Dean through the overwhelming ebb and flow of his tongue on me, he had a look of, well… of worship. Eyes closed, his movements unhurried and his touch lingering, the expression on Dean’s face was made up of equal parts reverence and lust. There was no other word for it; he worshiped me with his lips and his hands and his tongue.

I got the impression that he would have stayed there between my legs all day and for some while, I wholeheartedly approved of that plan. In the end, though, I don’t really want to be worshiped. It’s all well and good from time to time, but what I really want is an equal. I want someone who’ll push against me and who’ll be able to take it when I push back. I want a partner, someone who knows that I’m just as fucked up inside as anyone and who isn’t afraid to show me their own failings and faults. I want someone who loves with his whole heart and soul the same way I do, even if it’s not me he loves.

I want Dean.

I tugged lightly on his hair so that he looked up at me, face glistening with my juices and eyes blurred with passion. Putting one hand on the back of his neck, I drew him up to me and kissed him, slow and hungry.

“I need you, Dean, need you inside me now.”

He groaned in agreement and rolled quickly to the side to grab a condom from the bedside table. Even that small commonplace gesture, that wordless acknowledgment that my health and well-being were important to him, made my heart clench with love for him.

When Dean turned back to me, I was frantic for him, pulling and grasping him to me in desperate need. I  _ had _  to feel him, his body meshed with mine, filling an emptiness inside me that no one else has ever even touched. He didn’t hesitate, just a long steady slide into me and then he was home.

As Dean began to move in me with a twist and slide of his hips, I came undone around him. I had very much wanted to savor the feel of his cock pushing and pulling inside me, but I was too wound up. My arms snaked around him, clutching him to me as my hips drove up against him, greedy and demanding.

He buried his face in my neck and I felt his teeth graze the sensitive skin below my ear as he began to pound into me, tilting his pelvis to graze my clit with every hammering stroke. The build-up had been too intense for me to attempt any kind of restraint; at this pace, I was going to come almost immediately. The grunts and gasps in my ear told me Dean was in a similar state.

And then, just as my body was drawing up, muscles tensing in expectation of release, Dean stopped. Pressed deep, he simply held there, chest heaving where it pressed against mine, harsh gasps hot against the skin of my neck. Frenzied in my need for friction, I writhed under him.

“Please, Dean… so close…”

A shudder wracked him, but Dean didn’t move otherwise. The thought that maybe something was wrong had only begun to take vague shape in my mind when he turned, putting his lips against my ear. His voice was quiet and serious, with only the slightest trace of the effort he was making to keep still.

“I love you, Y/N.”

Tears sprang to my eyes and I cried out his name as my orgasm broke over me even before Dean began to move again. He wasn’t far behind, pumping furiously into me for a few moments more and coming with a strangled shout.

Trembling fiercely, I held him to me, slow tears running down into my ears. My head was buzzing and my heart felt so full it was almost a pain in my chest. When Dean shifted as if to lift himself off of me, I tightened my arms around him.

“No, not yet,” I croaked, throat clogged with emotion and tears. If he moved, the moment would be over and it might fade into nothingness, a random phrase in the heat of passion.

Dean raised up on his elbows to look at me, concern flaring in his eyes when he saw me crying. Lifting one hand to my cheek, he pressed a gentle kiss to my lips and a soft sob rose in my throat.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart, whatever I did, I’m sorry.” There was real anxiety in his face as he looked at me. “I didn’t mean to freak you out, I’ll take it back, just don’t cry.”

“Did you mean it?” I couldn’t meet his eyes, focusing instead on his mouth as I waited for the words to come. I tried not to think about the possibility that I would never kiss that mouth again. I loved him, but this was something I couldn’t go back from. If he didn’t love me, I had to leave.

“Look at me, Y/N.” He waited until I dragged my still streaming eyes to his. “I meant it. God help you, I love you with everything I’ve got.” There was a certain shy pride and a shadow of grief in the way he said it.

I understood the grief. Being loved by a Winchester has a higher than usual fatality rate. Even if I don’t die, there’s every reason to think that he will. Best case scenario, I was in for a life that contained a far higher percentage of fear and blood and uncertainty than if I had never met the brothers.

“I love you, too, Dean.” Raising a hand to his face, I smiled radiantly up at him. “Gods help you.”

His face lightened and he gave a half laugh as he leaned down to capture my mouth, kissing me enthusiastically as the first streaks of sun fell through the curtains.

Potentially early death. Constant fear of Dean dying. Possible (probable) torment of unknown kind and from unknown sources. None of that mattered, because this… this was worth it.

This was worth everything.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This little story makes me so emotional! It might be because I originally wrote it as part of a larger Dean/original female character story, but I really hope the emotion comes through for you, too.
> 
> As always, comments, questions, and yes, even criticisms are welcome!


End file.
